The Lohan Camp needs a better lying consultant

Lindsay Lohan was rushed to a London hospital last week after she sliced her leg open while breakfasting at the home of Bryan Adams.

Lohan had reportedly just stepped out of the shower Friday afternoon, when she lost her grip on a teacup, which smashed to the ground. A shard of the broken cup connected with the actress' shin, leaving a gash that required 10 stitches to close.

"She and her friends were preparing breakfast, with eggs and everything, and Lindsay was going up the stairs, carrying a ceramic teacup," Lohan's mother, Dina, told Star magazine.

"She had just come out of the shower so she was still wet and had some lotion on, and she completely flipped on the stairs since it was slippery."

On the Record

Super Bowl 40: Pittsburgh 21, Seattle 20
Enron Trials: Lay and Skilling both go to jail.

Snooty Corner

Houston's best Mexican food: El Pueblito
Houston's best burgers: Christian's Totem
Houston's best sandwiches: Central Market
Houston's best pizza: Barry's
Houston's best BBQ: still looking

I can't wait to say I told you so.

Houston's new MLS franchise unveiled its team name today: Houston 1836. Worst team name ever.

Book Review: Freakonomics by Stephen J. Dubner and Steven D. Levitt

An interesting book and worth my time. If you only read one chapter, read the chapter attributing the decline in crime rates beginning in the mid 1990s to Roe v. Wade.

Admittedly picayunish

From the Jan. 20, 2006 New Orleans Times-Picayune: Those steering Louisiana's hurricane recovery are wary about sounding ungrateful for the federal aid received, but are beginning to voice frustration that the state's residents are being shortchanged compared with their fellow hurricane victims to the east.

All those in favor of selling Louisana back to France say "Aye."

I'm sick and tired of the government's Crusade to crackdown on extortion. Whatever happened to our belief in capitalism?

SAN JOSE, CALIF. - A couple who planted a severed finger in a bowl of Wendy's chili in a scheme to extort money from the fast-food chain were sentenced Wednesday to at least nine years in prison.

The two pleaded guilty in September to conspiracy to file a false insurance claim and attempted grand theft with damages exceeding $2.5 million.

In a tearful plea for leniency, Ayala apologized to the courtroom gallery and said the scheme was "a moment of poor judgment."

Look on the bright side

What if Iran's sole motivation to develop nuclear weapons is wiping FOX's American Idol from the map?

Goooooooooal!

As everyone who hasn't been living under a rock for the past three months knows, Houston has a new MLS soccer franchise. The team needs a name, so I thought I'd help out. I've listed some of my ideas. Let me know which one you like best. Feel free to suggest your own ideas, too!

Houston Fat
Houston Drive
FC Suburban
AC Gallery Furniture
Inter-Sam's Boat
FC Strip Malls
Houston Starbucks
FC Smog Houston
Trafique du Westheimer Houston
Manchester United
Houston Tilman Fertittas
Houston Boooo-ring! FC
Houston Dallas Envy

Adios, mofo

Whose bright idea was it to invite our yell-leading halfwit Governor to speak at the National Championship celebration last night in Austin?

Please be nicer to those booze-sodden, crazy panhandlers. Thanks.

The 20 "meanest cities" listed by advocates for the homeless:
1. Sarasota, Fla.
2. Lawrence, Kan.
3. Little Rock, Ark.
4. Atlanta
5. Las Vegas
6. Dallas
7. Houston
8. San Juan, Puerto Rico
9. Santa Monica, Calif.
10. Flagstaff, Ariz.
11. San Francisco
12. Chicago
13. San Antonio
14. New York
15. Austin
16. Anchorage, Alaska
17. Phoenix
18. Los Angeles
19. St. Louis
20. Pittsburgh

Hotel California: An anthem of Satanism. See for yourself. We don't tolerate this in Iran.

On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas, rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway;I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself,'This could be Heaven or this could be Hell'
Then she lit up a candle and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say...

Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel California
Any time of year (Any time of year)
You can find it here

Her mind is Tiffany-twisted, she got the Mercedes Benz
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard, sweet summer sweat.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget
So I called up the Captain,'Please bring me my wine'
He said, 'We haven't had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine'
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say...

Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
They livin' it up at the Hotel California
What a nice surprise (what a nice suprise)
Bring your alibis

Mirrors on the ceiling,
The pink champagne on ice
And she said 'We are all just prisoners here, of our own device'
And in the master's chambers,
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives,
But they just can't kill the beast
Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
'Relax,' said the night man,
'We are programmed to receive.You can check-out any time you like,
But you can never leave!'

Railroaded yet again

What?! The Alabama-Coushatta Casino in Livingston has been shut down? I swear, all the good bilking ideas are already taken. Damn you, Mr. Abramoff.

Bring New Orleans Back Commission

I predict the new New Orleans will smell like stale beer and vomit and be rife with corruption.

Heir Apparent

Congratulations to Kevin Federline on his new smash-hit R&B single "PopoZão." Don't forget to download it as your ringtone.

Keeping Score

Come to think of it, I haven't woken up before noon on a consistent basis since high school.