Voice of the People

Dear Commissioner Stern, There's no law that says there can only be one NBA All-Star game per year, you know.

From ReJoyce: The Christmas Album

Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey's "Baby, It's Cold Outside" is one Christmas song that's a hit all year long.

It's not so easy to replicate perfection.

NEW YORK - Guns N' Roses fans went into frenzied overdrive when three studio-quality tracks from the mythical "Chinese Democracy" album were leaked onto the Internet.

From one GNR fan to another, don't go into too frenzied an overdrive over "Chinese Democracy."

Main Street, USA

Dear Afton Oaks nimbys, Stop your whining about the proposed light rail line on Richmond Ave. There is nothing you could possibly do to Richmond to make it worse. (Though Westheimer Rd. may take issue with that statement.)

Why does Radio Shack's Board of Directors care that their CEO had a bogus resume? They should spend more time worrying about the fact that Radio Shack is second in suck only to Best Buy.

On the bright side, I have discovered a natural talent for spending money.

Afternoon Serendipity

The most difficult word to spell in the English language? No contest. Rhythm.

Danish Editorial

What better way to demonstrate your piety than burning movie theaters and KFCs?

610

Everything outside the loop is Craptown.

Yellow Journalism

WASHINGTON - Waste and fraud marked the federal government's assistance programs for Hurricane Katrina victims, with 10,000 mobile homes going unused and scattered cases of evacuees spending emergency money on nude dancing in Houston, tattoos, casino gambling and a diamond engagement ring, according to an audit released Monday.

Wait a minute...I thought this story was supposed to be about waste and fraud. Typical liberal media bias.

High-euro Lobbyists

Dear United States government:

End the unnecessary travel restrictions on citizens from the 10 new EU member states and include them in the U.S. visa waiver program. Stop hindering free trade and travel without a narrowly tailored plan to achieve a compelling state interest.

You're no Ted Roosevelt.

VP Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter while quail hunting in South Texas this weekend. Yet more proof that this administration can't hold its liquor worth a damn.

Conventional Wisdom

Applause: The New York Times travel section.

Jeers: The female American Olympic athlete who talked on her cell phone during the opening ceremonies parade.

Sluts v. Wal-Mart

BOSTON - Backed by abortion rights groups, three Massachusetts women sued Wal-Mart on Wednesday, accusing the retail giant of violating a state regulation by failing to stock emergency contraception pills in its pharmacies.

The lawsuit, filed in state court, seeks to force the company to carry the morning-after pill in its 44 Wal-Marts and four Sam Club stores in Massachusetts.

The plaintiffs argued that state policy requires pharmacies to provide all "commonly prescribed medicines."

A spokesman for Bentonville, Arkansas-based Wal-Mart suggested the Plaintiffs take more precautions against getting knocked up in the first place. Alternatively, they can go to the CVS around the corner.

Progressive Regression

Sin tax is levied on a $50 bottle of wine. There is no sin tax levied on a Big Mac from McDonald's. Explain the sense in that, you drunk, fat slob.