Built in a Day

Literally translated, carpe diem means watching poker on television.

John Lopez's Worst Nightmare

You know bowl season is upon us when you see families clad in Rutgers gear strolling the streets of downtown Houston.

Architectural Indigestion

Thumbs down to the new Capital One branch bank on Bagby in Midtown. It's a case in point example of why the potential of Midtown will never be realized without proper zoning. When Midtown is nothing but drive-through banks with half acre parking lots and CVSes, they should change the name from Midtown to Katy.

Open Letter to John Lopez

NOTE: I sent the following e-mail to Houston Chronicle sports columnist John Lopez in response to his Dec. 22, 2006 column, which can be found at this link: http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/sports/lopez/4420145.html

John,

You wrote today that “bowls have lost their luster.” As evidence, you specifically mention four bowl matchups – 3 lesser bowls and the national championship game. Hmmm…interesting sample. True, there are lots of bowl games these days – 32 to be precise. And that necessarily means they can’t all be compelling matchups. But you overlook, intentionally I think, the fact that there are many great bowl games this year, as there are every year. Let’s take a look at a few. A&M plays Cal in the Holiday Bowl. You specifically asked about the Cotton Bowl in your column – Auburn vs. Nebraska. Not a bad game. Arkansas faces Wisconsin in the Capital One Bowl. And then there are the BCS Bowls, of course.

The only thing that has changed since the good ol’ days you pine for is the addition of more bowls. You can still gorge on the major bowls (now called BCS Bowls) and the so-called minor bowls – I’ve even listed a few interesting minor bowls to help you out. If you aren’t interested in the Rice/Troy game, then don’t watch it. But I fail to see how the New Orleans Bowl’s existence takes any luster off the USC/Michigan Rose Bowl matchup.

Yes, I understand the point of your article: College football would be better with a playoff system. Wow, another article whining about the bowls and pushing for a playoff system. Talk about a group shrug.

Regards,
Matt Bishop

Sen. Wentworth restoring belief in democracy

Texas State Sen. Jeff Wentworth, R-San Antonio, will submit a bill in the 2007 legislative session to ban driving while talking on a hands-on cell phone. Wentworth’s proposed bill would make the use of a cell phone while driving a Class C misdemeanor, which is punishable by a fine of less than $500. Using a hands-on phone while driving would be allowed only for emergency calls. Hands-free cell phones would be allowed while driving. While previous attempts at the same law have failed, Sen. Wentworth hopes a new chairman of Senate Committee on Transportation will be more favorable to the bill.

As luck would have it

Miss USA didn't get fired for her penchant for drugs and such. I don't know any details, and I really don't care, but I don't like leaving loose ends here on luridtransom.

Booing Metro officials like Chris Simms

The Houston Metropolitan Transit Authority eliminated the Afton Oaks neighborhood from its potential light rail routes. I haven't been this bitter about a loss since the 2001 Big XII Chanpionship Game.

Wild like a Caddyshack cast party

Miss USA Tara Conner might get fired for alleged cocaine use, bar-hopping (she’s under 21) and promiscuity. I can’t wait for her reality tv show. I'd post Tara's picture, but WVZ won't license that proprietary technology.

Cheat Codes

"There is no doubting the fact that the widespread availability of sexually explicit and graphically violent video games makes the challenge of parenting much harder,'' said Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, who asked the Federal Trade Commission last week to investigate one of the most violent titles, "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.''

Hey Hillary, have you ever played Grand Theft Auto? It's pretty fun.

Parvenu couture

When declining an evite, remember to let everyone know how important you are by stating where you'll be in lieu of the evited event.

Mofo supports enforcement of existing laws.

I e-mailed Gov. Rick Perry my suggestion to ban talking on cell phones without a hands-free device while driving. In response, I received a letter from a staffer informing me that there are already reckless driving laws on the books, and that Gov. Perry supports enforcement of those laws. Your governor kindly enclosed a list of contact information for all state Senators and Representatives. Thanks, Rick. I'll pass my suggestion along to John Sharp.

I made a large contribution to the off-road drivers' legal fund because I HATE canyons!

BALLARAT, Calif. — Whoever named Surprise Canyon got it right. Mere miles from bone-dry Death Valley, the canyon cradles two unexpected jewels: a gushing mountain stream and what's left of a once-bustling silver mining town. These treasures have attracted visitors for decades — and now they're at the heart of a legal battle between off-road drivers and environmentalists.

Five years ago environmentalists successfully sued to get the narrow canyon and its spring-fed waterfalls closed to vehicles, arguing that the federal Bureau of Land Management was not carrying out its duty to protect the land.

In response, more than 80 off-roaders purchased tiny pockets of private land at the top of the canyon, and now they're suing the federal government for access to their property, arguing that the canyon is a public right of way.

Environmental groups allege that, before they won protection for the area in 2001, off-roaders destroyed the canyon by cutting trees, dumping boulders in the water and using winches to drag their Jeeps up the waterfalls. They are seeking to intervene in the off-roaders' lawsuit. Since 2001, the canyon has regenerated, with new vegetation attracting wildlife.

Konsumer Zone

Free advice: You can get super cheap magazine subscriptions on eBay.

Word of the Day

Cosplay, which originated in Japan, is a combination of the words "costume" and "play." In cosplay, people dress as characters from Japanese animation, as well as graphic manga novels and video games. Cosplay can also refer to someone simply wearing a costume.

Flying Carpets and Magical Carbon Emissions

NEW DELHI (Reuters) - India, considered to be one of the world's top polluters, said on Thursday that it was not doing any harm to the world's atmosphere despite increasing emissions of greenhouse gases.

H-tastic!

You gotta see the smog in Houston today. It's beautiful. It reminds me of the popular bumper sticker that reads, "I came for the Rockets, but stayed for the sprawl."

Wake me up in 2008

US Weekly reports that Tori Spelling has been signed by Simon & Shuster for a memoir due out in April 2008.

79 Recommendations for US Soccer Policy

Dear U.S. Soccer Federation president Sunil Gulati,

I hold you personally responsible for Juergen Klinsmann taking himself out of consideration for coach of the U.S. soccer team. I guess I’ll dig out my Les Blues gear again in 2010.

Yellow journalism at its worst.

NEW YORK - (AP) Britney Spears's recent nights out with party girls Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan — and those uncensored, R-rated crotch shots that were splashed across the Web — drew disapproval from her fans and other Spears watchers.

Disapproval? Are you kidding me?

Who's at fault: Chris Simms or Greg Davis?

Texas's non-conference 2007 schedule: Arkansas State, TCU, Central Florida and Rice. Boooo!

Speaking of France: Book Review

Sixty Million Frenchmen Can't Be Wrong: Why We Love France but Not the French by Jean-Benoit Nadeau and Julie Barlow.

The French smoke, drink and eat more fat than anyone in the world, yet they live longer and have fewer heart problems than Americans. They take seven weeks of paid vacation per year, yet have the world’s highest productivity index. From a distance, modern France looks like a riddle. But up close, it all makes sense. Sixty Million Frenchmen Can’t Be Wrong shows how the pieces of the puzzle fit together.

Decrypting French ideas about land, food, privacy and language, the authors weave together the threads of French society—from centralization and the Napoleonic code to elite education and even street protests—giving us, for the first time, an understanding of France and the French.

My Review: Two thumbs up and raise the tricolor.

I will be contacting my local cable provider.

PARIS - France goes head-to-head with CNN and the BBC from Wednesday with the launch of its state-funded 24/7 news channel, part of President Jacques Chirac's efforts to make his country's voice heard.

France 24 will broadcast two channels, one in French and the other mostly in English.

"Our mission is to cover worldwide news with French eyes," CEO Alain de Pouzilhac told AP Television News. He said the channel will emphasize in-depth reporting and debate, culture and "l'art de vivre" — the art of living.

Running count

Since the Ohio State-Florida game was announced, I've seen two Pat Forde articles criticizing the BCS, one by Gene Wojciechowski, and one by Richard Justice. All of the articles came to the same conclusion: The BCS sucks because it sucks. That's four articles, and I haven't really been looking. I wonder what that number would be if Michigan had finished ahead of Florida. I'll take a wild guess and say four.

Kudos to Bomani Jones for his level-headed article about the BCS on ESPN's Page 2. I'm sure Jones will be fired any minute now.

Clean Sheet Proposal

ESPN columnist Pat Forde revealed in his Sunday column that college football’s Bowl Championship Series (BCS) is “screwed up” and amounts to “haphazard guesswork at the 11th hour.” Thanks, Pat. You must be exhausted after such grueling journalistic analysis.

Over the next month I’ll keep a running count of how often I hear or read that the BCS sucks. I’ll also keep track of the number of proposed solutions. For the record, I don’t necessarily have a problem with the BCS, nor do I have a problem with the lack of a playoff. Those are two entirely different things, mind you, though most people don’t understand the difference. Sorry if I’ve lost you, but bear with me. Anyhow, I do think a playoff would be incredibly exciting and I’d love to see it happen. But as long as we’re in the land of what if, we might as well revamp college football from the ground up.

Here’s my suggestion: Form a league composed of the top 36 college football teams divided into six divisions of six teams each. Each team plays five divisional games and seven non-divisional games for a total of twelve regular season games. The top twelve teams qualify for the playoffs, with the top four teams receiving first round byes. The top two teams receive home field advantage until the Championship Game, which is played at a rotating neutral site. Playoff teams are determined by overall record, and divisional champions do not automatically qualify for the playoffs. The tie breaker for determining playoff qualification and seeding is head-to-head record followed by strength of schedule.

At the end of the season, the bottom four teams are relegated to the second tier, and the top four teams from the second tier are promoted into the league for the following season.

Divisions, which are realigned each year due to relegation, are created primarily for maintaining traditional regional rivalries. The divisions are also balanced to an extent for strength of schedule based on last year’s results. Disparities in divisional strength of schedule will be balanced with the non-divisional schedule. For example, if one division is relatively stronger than the others, the teams in that division will play easier non-divisional games. Obviously, scheduling for strength of schedule in college football is not an exact science. However, the idea is to make each team’s schedule relatively equal in difficulty. Over the course of the season, that goal can be achieved. Non-divisional games will also be scheduled to maintain traditional rivalries. For instance, the USC-Notre Dame game will remain on the schedule and Texas would still face Oklahoma even if they are not in the same division in a given season.

Although the teams in the league will change from year to year, determining which teams to place in the league at the outset is important for many reasons. The criteria would include the program's success (recent and historical), television market, stadium size and fan base, and traditional significance in college football. I will form a committee to determine the initial 36 teams, and I will chair the committee. The bribes and kickbacks will make the IOC blush. For illustrative purposes only, I have chosen teams based only on the 2006 Sagarin rankings. Using the Sagarin rankings through the end of the 2006 regular season to determine the top 36 teams, the 2007 league would be as follows:

Pacific Division
Hawaii
Southern California
BYU
UCLA
Oregon State
Washington State

Western Division
Arizona State
Boise State
Cal
Oregon
Arizona
TCU

Central Division
Texas
Oklahoma
Texas A&M
Wisconsin
Nebraska
Arkansas

Midwest Division
Ohio State
Michigan
Penn State
Notre Dame
Rutgers
Boston College

Southeast Division
Florida
LSU
Tennessee
Georgia
South Carolina
Auburn

Atlantic Division
Wake Forest
Virginia Tech
Clemson
Louisville
Georgia Tech
West Virginia

Texas’s schedule would be as follows:
Tennessee
@ Wisconsin
Arkansas
@ Michigan
Auburn
Georgia Tech
@ BYU
UCLA
@ Nebraska
Oklahoma (Texas/OU would almost certainly be home and home.)
@ Oregon State
@ Texas A&M