Demonstrations, riots, pole vaulting

Join me in my grassroots campaign to ban the use of cell phones while driving without a hands-free device. When I get around to it, I plan to send a letter to Gov. Perry. In the meantime, keep talking on your cell phone while behind the wheel.

Colorado pursues policy of appeasement with Satan worshippers

PAGOSA SPRINGS, COLO. — The Loma Linda Homeowners Association has withdrawn its threat of $25 daily fines against homeowner Lisa Jensen for putting a Christmas wreath shaped like a peace sign on the front of her home. Jensen was ordered to take the wreath down when some residents in her 200-home subdivision saw it as a protest of the Iraq war. Bob Kearns, president of the board, also said some saw it as a symbol of Satan.

Euro Apologist

American grocery stores should charge for grocery bags. That way, people would bring their own bags and we'd create less trash.

Al Gore's new movie isn't as great as I thought it would be. Do you think things would be different today if he were president? Do you think American grocery stores would charge for grocery bags?

If Italy can ban smoking in all bars and restaurants, what's your excuse, America?

I was on a KLM flight from Venice to Amsterdam with two disgustingly fat Americans: a fat woman wearing pajama pants and a sleeveless shirt, and a fat man wearing, I swear, hospital scrubs. That should be grounds for passport revocation.

Canadians Ooouuut!

PHOENIX (Reuters) - The Nevada town of Pahrump passed a law this week making it illegal to fly a foreign nation's flag by itself, the latest swipe by a U.S. community at illegal immigrants.

Whether the apocalypse comes in 6 months or 7 months.

From Adriana de Lorme's profile in the November 2006 issue of 002:

Q: What is the one thing you can't live without?
A: Tall nonfat no water 4 pump chai tea latte from Starbucks! I'm serious.

You said it, Daryl!

NEW ORLEANS (Reuters) - More than a year after Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans, thousands of homes damaged by flooding still stand empty, stained by black mold and some of them infested with maggots.

"There's nothing like a maggot-filled refrigerator," said Daryl Durham, as he hauled one into the street to join a growing pile of possessions. The stench from the fridge filled the road.

Really? Gee, I believe you this time.

WASHINGTON - On Day 1 of the next session of Congress, newly empowered Democrats are promising restrictive rules to "break the link between lobbyists and legislation." The plan includes a list of changes designed to clean up what the party calls "a culture of corruption" in Washington.

Congress: Lying, hypocritical powerwhores.
GNR: Candid men of principle.

Night Train

LEWISTON, Maine — Guns N' Roses canceled a performance in Portland, Maine, this week after being told by state officials that the band could not drink on stage. The band had wanted to drink beer, wine and Jagermeister while performing.

Opportunity Knocked

I missed a golden opportunity to vow to leave the United States if the Democrats took Congress, then not leave after the Democrats took Congress.