Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Don't touch that dial, Bernanke
Houston's 94.5 FM "The Buzz" alternative music radio station has a daily financial news segment called "Rock out with your stock out."
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Axis of Delicious
SEOUL, South Korea -- North Korea is encouraging its people to breed rabbits for food, the regime's official media reported today.
The state-run Korean Central News Agency reported that rabbits were "the most economically profitable domestic animals" for the mountainous country's limited arable land.
The state-run Korean Central News Agency reported that rabbits were "the most economically profitable domestic animals" for the mountainous country's limited arable land.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Why the hell not?
AUSTIN -- State Rep. Senfronia Thompson, D-Houston, said today that she is "vehemently insulted" by independent gubernatorial candidate Kinky Friedman's derogatory comments about Hurricane Katrina evacuees.
Friedman last week attributed a spike in Houston's crime rate to the "crackheads and thugs" who evacuated New Orleans. Friedman did not call Senfronia a vehemently idiot, despite the vehemently obviousity that she is.
Friedman last week attributed a spike in Houston's crime rate to the "crackheads and thugs" who evacuated New Orleans. Friedman did not call Senfronia a vehemently idiot, despite the vehemently obviousity that she is.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Why I hate lawyers
Exchange between fat asshole lawyer in an Eikelburg Fun Run t-shirt and unsuspecting girl working the hunting license machine at Academy:
Girl: Do you want a Federal duck stamp?
Lawyer: [rolls eyes] Pfffft! No! I don't want to mess with any ducks!
Girl: Did you hunt dove, ducks or geeses [sic] last year?
Lawyer: I don't know, maybe. How about you go ahead and put no for that question.
Girl: How many doves did you kill last year?
Lawyer [annoyed]: Zero.
Girl: How many ducks did you kill last year?
Lawyer [more annoyed and self-important, this time with raised voice]: Look, I haven't hunted ducks in thirty years. Does that give you any idea how many?
Girl: How many geeses [sic] did you kill last year?
Lawyer [more annoyed, almost screaming]: I told you already I DON'T HUNT DUCKS!
Girl: Do you want a Federal duck stamp?
Lawyer: [rolls eyes] Pfffft! No! I don't want to mess with any ducks!
Girl: Did you hunt dove, ducks or geeses [sic] last year?
Lawyer: I don't know, maybe. How about you go ahead and put no for that question.
Girl: How many doves did you kill last year?
Lawyer [annoyed]: Zero.
Girl: How many ducks did you kill last year?
Lawyer [more annoyed and self-important, this time with raised voice]: Look, I haven't hunted ducks in thirty years. Does that give you any idea how many?
Girl: How many geeses [sic] did you kill last year?
Lawyer [more annoyed, almost screaming]: I told you already I DON'T HUNT DUCKS!
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Give back Lady Liberty.
Great news, America. You can buy Boycott France bumper stickers on Bill O'Reilly's website.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Gibraltar Monkeys
Book Review: The Pyrates, by George MacDonald Fraser. Thoroughly enjoyable melodramatic spoof of pirate stories by the esteemed editor of The Flashman Papers. Fraser can't help but put to use historical figures as his characters, and Col. Thomas Blood stars as the novel's anti-hero. Col. Blood attempted to pinch the Crown Jewels from the Tower of London in 1671. At trial he vowed to answer to none but the King himself. Charles II granted Blood a general pardon and granted him an estate. There are several theories explaining the motivations behind His Majesty's pardon. Look them up yourself, you have the internet.
Movie review: Mystery of the Nile (IMAX). The movie itself was enjoyable. However, I didn't expect such a McDonald's crowd at the Museum of Natural Sciences. And I literally mean a McDonald's crowd. The theater smelled like french fries. And for Pete's sake, stop chattering and watch the movie. Maybe it's time to revisit my plan to move to Canada.
Concidence? Is John Mark Karr the same person as Texans' creepy QB David Karr?
Movie review: Mystery of the Nile (IMAX). The movie itself was enjoyable. However, I didn't expect such a McDonald's crowd at the Museum of Natural Sciences. And I literally mean a McDonald's crowd. The theater smelled like french fries. And for Pete's sake, stop chattering and watch the movie. Maybe it's time to revisit my plan to move to Canada.
Concidence? Is John Mark Karr the same person as Texans' creepy QB David Karr?
Friday, August 18, 2006
Fascinating
You'd think I'd get more postcards than I do. Thanks a lot.
If you won $300 million in the lottery, would it ruin you? If you answered no, you're wrong.
Ponder for a moment produce supply chains. You can buy an apple at Central Market that was harvested just days earlier in a Chilean orchard. Mind boggling. By the way, I encourage you to buy locally produced meats and vegetables. It's better for our farmers and Mother Nature.
If you won $300 million in the lottery, would it ruin you? If you answered no, you're wrong.
Ponder for a moment produce supply chains. You can buy an apple at Central Market that was harvested just days earlier in a Chilean orchard. Mind boggling. By the way, I encourage you to buy locally produced meats and vegetables. It's better for our farmers and Mother Nature.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Hobson's Factoid
Hobson's choice:A choice without an alternative; the thing offered or nothing.
The origin of the term Hobson's choice is said to be in the name of one Thomas Hobson (ca. 1544-1631), at Cambridge, England, who kept a livery stable and required every customer to take either the horse nearest the stable door or none at all.
The origin of the term Hobson's choice is said to be in the name of one Thomas Hobson (ca. 1544-1631), at Cambridge, England, who kept a livery stable and required every customer to take either the horse nearest the stable door or none at all.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Franchise Playa
If you don't have leather seats in your car, truck or SUV, please stop reading this blog.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Book Review - Rivertown: Two Years on the Yangtze by Peter Hessler
I'll echo Simon Winchester's review of Rivertown: "Tender, intelligent, and insightful, this is the work of a writer of rare talent; it deserves to become a classic."
Synopsis:
In 1996, 26-year-old Peter Hessler arrived in Fuling, a town on China's Yangtze River, to begin a two-year Peace Corps stint as a teacher at the local college. Along with fellow teacher Adam Meier, the two are the first foreigners to be in this part of the Sichuan province for 50 years. Expecting a calm couple of years, Hessler at first does not realize the social, cultural, and personal implications of being thrust into a such radically different society. In River Town: Two Years on the Yangtze, Hessler tells of his experience with the citizens of Fuling, the political and historical climate, and the feel of the city itself.
Synopsis:
In 1996, 26-year-old Peter Hessler arrived in Fuling, a town on China's Yangtze River, to begin a two-year Peace Corps stint as a teacher at the local college. Along with fellow teacher Adam Meier, the two are the first foreigners to be in this part of the Sichuan province for 50 years. Expecting a calm couple of years, Hessler at first does not realize the social, cultural, and personal implications of being thrust into a such radically different society. In River Town: Two Years on the Yangtze, Hessler tells of his experience with the citizens of Fuling, the political and historical climate, and the feel of the city itself.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Entertainful for the masses
Rice should let bums attend their football games for free. Give me one reason why they shouldn't. Exactly.
The New Enlightenment
I heard a sports radio caller threaten to drop his Houston Rockets season tickets if they don't sign free agent Bonzi Wells. You've got to respect a man of principle.
Add this to my platform - Anyone talking on their cell phone at a sporting event and waving to friends at home will be mercilessly beaten before being fed to a pack of dogs.
Add this to my platform - Anyone talking on their cell phone at a sporting event and waving to friends at home will be mercilessly beaten before being fed to a pack of dogs.
Monday, July 03, 2006
Swapping lions for eagles
To commemorate Independence Day, I plan to read aloud Thomas Paine's Common Sense from the confines of my living room as the Department of Homeland Security listens in.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Do you people really have nothing better to do?
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The U.S. Senate on Monday began debating whether the Constitution should be changed to give Congress the power to ban flag burning, a divisive issue that may pass or fail by one vote.
It is officially time for the Emperor to disolve the Senate.
It is officially time for the Emperor to disolve the Senate.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
No reason to leave Harris County. Ever.
While stuck in godawful traffic on the West Loop yesterday, I heard Uncle Drayton McLane on the radio discussing his upcoming trip to San Diego to pitch Houston as the USA's candidate city for the 2016 Summer Olympics. Drayton said, and I quote, "Houston is the greatest city in the world." Yeah obviously, Drayton. Everybody knows that.
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